Whenever I hear girls and even guys talk about relationships, I almost always hear this question being asked, “so is he/she the one?” What does finding ‘the one’ really mean? I believe it means finding and being with the person that you know you are to be married to, and most importantly, finding your help mate as described in Genesis 1:28. Someone who pushes you to be better and presses you to be closer to God. But, how do you know for sure that they are ‘the one’ that God has for you?
Most people with strong Christian beliefs and values puts a huge emphasis on finding this one special person, whereas people who may not hold such potent religious values tend to stray from leaning so heavily towards finding ‘the one’. We have a tug of war going on between “there’s a lot of fish in the sea, explore!” and “there is that one person who you are meant to be with”. Although I agree that there are a lot of fish in the sea, there is a real sense of romance and sacredness in dating the one you will marry, which becomes diluted by dating numerous individuals. So, how can you achieve dating your future spouse without dating multiple people? The key is prayer. Pray about who you are deciding to date before you actually date them. Prayer is the most powerful connection between you and God – He hears your prayers, and that in itself will make your journey to find ‘the one’ a lot more peaceful. When my husband asked to be my boyfriend my first words were, “lets pray about it” – I know, that sounds totally lame, and not exactly the answer my husband wanted, but I needed to really know that this was from God. I had gone through previous relationships and was really frustrated at how futile they ended up being, but mostly because I had wasted my time with someone who I wasn’t going to be committed to.
Out of that frustration I developed a new set of standards for the man I wanted to be with. Initially, that lead to extreme pickiness, and I really began to test God. In testing God, I wasn’t trusting Him. Being excessively picky may lead you to overlook excellent people who God may be putting in your life as a potential mate. Eventually, I understood the balance between being picky and trusting God meant setting sound, Biblically-inspired standards. Having standards allows you to distinguish and decipher if someone is the kind of person you see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Although physical attraction is important, don’t let your standards rest on superficial things. Ask yourself: does your love interest meet your criteria as far as religion, morals, and personal characteristics? All these things play a huge role for a potential spouse. This is what we call “deal-breakers”, things that absolutely have to be in place in order to be with them for a lifetime.
We lose the point when we say things like “I’m just having fun”, “I don’t want to be committed right now”, or “I just want to know what kind of guy/girl I’ll want to be with”. But when it comes to your marriage, you may have distorted your view of what a real relationship should be like, or you may have raised your standards too high for your spouse to reach, but most of all, if you’re still single, it may lead you to push the boundaries from a physical and sexual standpoint. That will inevitably leave you with a connection to your past relationships that drags on up until you get married, and has the potential to enter into and poison your marriage. We need to cut the exploring, make some standards, stick by them, and be wise about who we chose to be with. We can do all these things if we go by what the Bible says when it comes to relationships and finding that spouse. Here are some tips from the Bible which should guide you as you set your standards for ‘the one’:
Men – a woman that makes you say “wow” should be a Proverbs 31 woman; avoid Proverbs 27:13.
Women – find a man that as described in Ephesians 5:25-33
Men & Women: Ephesians 5:21 (mutual respect), 1 Corinthians 13 (what love should look like) and the most important of all – Genesis 2:18 finding a help mate.
My husband and I have a theory that we live by which was created when we started dating. We believe that love looks like a triangle, if you live by this, set your priorities straight, and actually keep the standards set in accordance with the Bible, finding who ‘the one’ will not be as difficult as it seems. On one end is you, on the other end is that future spouse, and at the top is God. The two are separate – they each have their individual lives but the two meet when they put God first, when they have their own relationship with God, who then joins them together Himself. So, in looking for the person you are to marry, set your standards according to His Word, and let God bring that special person into your life, continually trusting Him to do what He promised.
Andrea Patricia “Patty” Alexandre has been married since July 31,2010. She has worked in various facets of ministry for 12 years, coming from a family of Pastors and leaders. Patty received a B.A. in Religious Studies with a Minor in Leadership from the Georgia School of Leadership and Ministry in Griffin, Georgia. She has a passion for people, social justice, ministry, coffee and art.