We often look around and think that everyone else has it together, when really, we all have something in our lives that is hindering us. Whether it’s a health problem, addiction, or broken relationship, it can be hard to reach out and share that pain with others. I would like to share a little bit of my story with you, in the hopes that it will help someone else that may be lost and confused in the midst of their pain.
I have been struggling with mild depression over the past 4-5 years. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint when it started because I only recently discovered what those feelings really were. I always created a reason as to why I felt an emptiness or void inside, rather than admit to myself that I may be suffering from depression. It’s easy to pretend that everything is fine and put on a good show for everyone, but there is always a breaking point. For me, the walls came crashing down while I was planning my wedding, searching for a place to live, and trying to figure out my career path. My head was spinning and I had no time to just be. I had to put on a happy face for one event after another and it was mentally exhausting. I went to the doctor, spoke with medical professionals, and also opened up to people in my life who I knew would support me. Although they may not understand why I go through these moments, they still stand by me and love me through it. I know there are others out there that are struggling right now – in the middle of an internal battle that you just wish would end. I know that same pain, the frustration and confusion, but I also know that there is hope.
As a Christian, I have always felt like I don’t have the ‘right’ to be depressed. I live a blessed life with a loving and supportive family, and recently got married to the love of my life. Some say that I am beautiful, while others say I am talented, but I have never truly felt that way about myself. Nothing is ever quite enough, and I rarely can feel completely at ease with my life. I have always felt guilty about that.
Going through those dark moments, though, is when I have felt the closest to God. There is no one else who understands, no one else who knows your heart at that moment, and no one else who can take that pain away. It is as if God is reminding me each moment that He is ultimately in control and can rescue me every time.
We have heard over and over again that “God will not give you more than you can handle”, which makes life seem easy, but it’s not. I was reading an article recently where the writer was completely contradicting this theory. She was saying that God does give us more than we can handle, so that we have to surrender our lives to Him and learn to depend on Him rather than ourselves. If we could handle every trial that came into our lives all by ourselves, what would we need God for? I was blown away because it was so true! It also made me realize that I try to handle everything on my own rather than bring it up to God. I have always depended on others to help me solve my problems, whether it be my parents, husband, or my friends. But, being in such a vulnerable state forces me to give it all to God and trust that He will carry me through. Here’s a thought that I loved from a women’s blog that I follow: “He’s got you where you are for a reason. He made you the way you are for a reason” (Mary Carver).
Depression may be something that you will have to deal with for your whole life, or it could be the result of an event or situation that you are dealing with. It’s easy to feel abandoned or alone in those dark moments, but God is there. He is ever more present! Do not give up your fight, because God has a purpose for your life, and He will make your paths straight.
A passion for people and creating beautiful things led Leah to open her own Events and Wedding Coordination business in Toronto – Vantage Events.