Romantic relationships are one of the areas where people get hurt the most, because you don’t know if the relationship will last. When it doesn’t, depending on how it ends, it can bring a high degree of emotional pain. Loving someone means putting your heart at risk. Could this be the reason people do not want to get into committed relationships? Because of the risk? So how can we overcome the fear of being hurt again?
I just came out of a relationship. It looked promising – my parents liked her, her parents liked me, and everyone around us was so excited, because here were two wonderful people that have connected – man, did it look promising. Both of us had goals, ambition, and we wanted to go somewhere in life, but most importantly we both loved God and the things of God. She had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a woman. Many times we would have conversations about how this all came to be, asking God if He divinely orchestrated this. Could this possibly be the woman that I will one day marry? But things turned out to be the complete opposite. People wondered what happened. Things were running smoothly, but they didn’t go as I’d hoped.
I remember the day so clearly – I don’t think I had ever been that upset before. I’m not the kind of guy that gets easily upset or irritated, but that day, I was upset. The thing is, it wasn’t so much that she broke up with me, but how she broke the news and the lack of communication that led up to it. When you have invested time, money, and energy you expect there to be a certain level of trust and communication. That day, she lost my trust instantly. I was coming from work and she told me to meet her at a park. Fellas, you know when a girl says, “we need to talk”, it’s not going to turn out the way you want. She began to explain why she brought me here and once she said “You are a great guy. This is the hardest decision I could ever make”, I knew where this was going. I was distraught, because I felt like I’d completely wasted my time; I felt used, betrayed and even stupid. I started to think back and to wonder, “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!”. I believed I wasted my time with someone that was not serious about being in a relationship nor ready to commit. We talked about the future, we talked about where we wanted to go, where we wanted to be together. We had “the conversation” and we were set in the fact that we were going to be together. I was wrong.
Sometimes I just look to God and ask, “did even I hear You?” I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I thought with my heart instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to lead me. And that’s one thing I know I’ve learned – that your heart can deceive you. I determined that I wouldn’t allow this broken relationship to affect my relationship with the next woman to come into my life. When your trust is betrayed it can be difficult to trust another person. You must not let the failures of another person affect your future relationship.
Through this difficult process, I’ve learned to always guard your heart in a relationship. That doesn’t mean putting up walls preventing another person in, but make sure that you know you can trust someone with your heart. Your heart is delicate, easy to break, and difficult to mend. Not only did I learn to guard my heart, but also to be more persistent in prayer. I don’t think I prayed about the relationship very much, otherwise time wouldn’t have been wasted. I also learned not to be too quick to say that big four-letter word, because it can blind you, causing you to fall into a whole world of hurt if you aren’t careful. When you are ready to express your feelings, make sure she is really the one for you, after having prayed about it, sought counsel, and prayed again. And if you do nothing else, communicate, communicate, communicate! So many relationships are broken because of the lack of communication. That’s what upset me most in my situation. Communication helps you gauge where things are going. It helps you know what the other person is thinking and where they are at. Otherwise, you’re left in the dark. If you are in a relationship right now, take the time to communicate. If you are not on the same page, you may need to take a break until things level out. Let the person know what you’re thinking, let them know what you are struggling with, so that you’re able to pray with and for each other. When you are in a relationship, take into consideration that you are not the only one in it.
Now, I am moving forward with my life. I think about the situation with my ex sometimes, but I know that God has someone special for me. If a relationship didn’t work out, move on. If you have to find closure, find it, and then move on. Don’t be afraid to love again because the next person in your life, the person that you are supposed to be with deserves all of your love.
Bradley Gordon is a freelance blogger and budding entrepreneur based in Brampton, Ontario. He hopes to change and affect the lives of those who come into contact with his writings. He is currently running his own writing services business providing businesses with blog management, web content management and internet marketing services. Bradley is also highly involved in local Gospel theatre arts.